Strong motivation is what I'm cultivating now. I burn out often, and I struggle to feel a sense of purpose, but writing keeps me going. Thank you for your words.
It's hard to not burn out in times like these. I find solace in the words of Bayo Akomolafe, "The times are urgent. Let's slow down." Thank you for showing up, Maria. All blessings.
I thought I'd wait a while with this comment, since it's a bit more personal.
When I first read this piece and saw the picture of your daughter, I couldn't help but start crying. I cried for myself, for you, for your daughter, for all the parents and all the children, for the world, for the lost opportunities, and for the lives we didn't get to live. I cried for the kids I could have had, had I been born at a different time in history or in a different world.
But allow me to back up a bit: early on in our relationship, my wife and I decided not to have children, because of the general state of the world, and because we think that a lot of things about the coming transition/simplification/collapse will be easier if you don't have kids. About eight years on, we firmly stand behind this decision.
But it's getting harder. The decision not to have kids was a conscious, rational, left-hemisphere decision - my heart wants something else. In different circumstances, I would have loved to have children. I've long dreamed of having two (or three) daughters, and raising them to be mindful, conscious, gentle, and connected eco-warriors hell-bent on smashing patriarchy, restoring ecosystems and creating a more beautiful world in the ruins of the old.
Thanks to the general state of the world, I am refused this most basic biological right. I mean, I *could* have kids - but the lifestyle we're leading would simply not be possible anymore. We would have to do a lot more things we don't like, and we'd probably have to look for "real jobs" to make money. In this society, kids come with a hefty price tag.
Words are not enough to describe the cruelty of a system that forces parents to enslave themselves to it in order to be able to "afford" their children. You love your children? Better go get that paper! Better chase that job, that promotion, that sale, and MAKE MONEY!!!
We naturally do *everything* for our kids, so we obey. The system knows this, and willingly exploits this increasingly profitable revenue stream.
At the same time, the system has worked relentlessly to destroy traditional community. Back in the days, everyone could have and raise children, with the help of the entire community. Those communities have been torn up and ripped apart by the system, which allows no other allegiances than those to itself. Everything must be paid for, everything must be accounted for. Everything has to be valued in monetary terms, including a parent's love for their child. How unspeakably fucked up.
You're very lucky to have a community surrounding you, but we don't (at least not yet), for various reasons. We know how crucial it is, but in our circumstances it's simply not an option right now. And we could never handle parenting on our own, nor would we want that for our children. The "nuclear family" is a catastrophic failure. Kids *need* to be part of a community to grow into health adults, and so far we simply can't provide this.
So with neither money nor community (and considering the general state of the world and our personal outlook), I am denied this dream.
And maybe (probably!) it's for the better, as sad as this sounds.
Please don't get me wrong: I don't say it's a bad idea to have children (and I don't blame people for having kids - we're animals, for chrissake, it's our biological duty!), but I believe it might help take pressure off society & the environment if there are more people who decide not to have kids, and thus fewer people in the future.
I hope we'll be able to build a community once collapse intensifies, supply chains rupture, and people have to rely on one another again. My deepest wish is to live in a multi-generational traditional community, so that I can help raise children who are not my own. You know, be the weird white uncle who knows stuff about the world. Maybe a storyteller and educator.
I'm a huge advocate of alloparenting and communal child-rearing (our "evolved nest," in the words of Darcia Narvaez), and I truly hope I'll be granted the opportunity one day.
The closest I could get to true fulfillment, I reckon.
Thanks for writing this. As a fellow subsistence farmer, I sadly don't have spare cash to send to you, but I can relate to your thoughts & ideas here. I don't write as regularly as you do, so I don't feel comfortable pushing my readers too hard to become paid subscribers - but I totally understand it if you do it. If I'd have a daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Good luck and best wishes to you, stranger-friend. May the World smile upon you and your family.
Thankyou so much for sharing this deeply heart felt story. I read it several times. I see you. I feel connected with you in a deep way. I hope we can come together and share more. Maybe you and your wife can visit our farm someday. Regarding your decision, i think you made the right choice and I also feel than many others should seriously consider not having children now as well. And also, regardless of whether or not we have actual blood children, WE ALL must become elders and dedicate our lives to the next generations. You are spot on when you reflect of decaying community. Nuclear families and the cult of the individual is very much at the root of the mess we are in. None of us are off the hook because we decide to live away from empire, or decide to niot have kids. We all live down stream, we all inter-are... We need all hands on deck. Please, come help us raise kids! Im serious. You are most welcome any time. ALL BLESSINGS.
I am one of the writers against Paywall-ing because it does follow the capitalist blueprint. I just turned on the paid option recently and I hope that those who can support my work will help subsidize those who cannot. After all, we are all trying to speak out against the very culture of internet dominance and I really hope that we can stay strong and reach enough supportive readers!
Yes! And kudos to you! I look forward to reading more of your work and gods willing, I receive enough paid subscribers to afford to pay you appropriately for your generosity!
Fuck. Yeah. There's a gentle fist of writers on Substack doing and writing and pushing this. You probably know them. I'll find them and add them in case. Inspiring, man. (Also listening to Martin Prechtel at the moment). And adding the photo of your daughter there - coming from another Dad that was a mean trick. (But a good one). Don't stop. It's - you know that word? - inspiring.
Gracias Peter. I am not so aware of the writers you mention here but looking forward to cross-pollinating with them and you and many more in the days and months and years ahead. I just read through a couple of your writings too and was deeply moved. Are you enrolled in Martin Prechtels current class by chance? All blessings to you and your family.....
No, not enrolled, that would be amazing. A friend of mine has, and has also been to visit. Listening to him speak living stories, though, must be close. I am, every time, stunned at the fluent lyricism if his writing. And also that it is grounded in such earned wisdom. Your words, along with a few others, us nudging me back - I do mean nudging - from difficult times. Creative interdependence is such a major life breather, as well as a foundation for revolution. Thankyou for replying, it means a lot. Words have spirit, too, and you are honouring them well.
Strong motivation is what I'm cultivating now. I burn out often, and I struggle to feel a sense of purpose, but writing keeps me going. Thank you for your words.
It's hard to not burn out in times like these. I find solace in the words of Bayo Akomolafe, "The times are urgent. Let's slow down." Thank you for showing up, Maria. All blessings.
I thought I'd wait a while with this comment, since it's a bit more personal.
When I first read this piece and saw the picture of your daughter, I couldn't help but start crying. I cried for myself, for you, for your daughter, for all the parents and all the children, for the world, for the lost opportunities, and for the lives we didn't get to live. I cried for the kids I could have had, had I been born at a different time in history or in a different world.
But allow me to back up a bit: early on in our relationship, my wife and I decided not to have children, because of the general state of the world, and because we think that a lot of things about the coming transition/simplification/collapse will be easier if you don't have kids. About eight years on, we firmly stand behind this decision.
But it's getting harder. The decision not to have kids was a conscious, rational, left-hemisphere decision - my heart wants something else. In different circumstances, I would have loved to have children. I've long dreamed of having two (or three) daughters, and raising them to be mindful, conscious, gentle, and connected eco-warriors hell-bent on smashing patriarchy, restoring ecosystems and creating a more beautiful world in the ruins of the old.
Thanks to the general state of the world, I am refused this most basic biological right. I mean, I *could* have kids - but the lifestyle we're leading would simply not be possible anymore. We would have to do a lot more things we don't like, and we'd probably have to look for "real jobs" to make money. In this society, kids come with a hefty price tag.
Words are not enough to describe the cruelty of a system that forces parents to enslave themselves to it in order to be able to "afford" their children. You love your children? Better go get that paper! Better chase that job, that promotion, that sale, and MAKE MONEY!!!
We naturally do *everything* for our kids, so we obey. The system knows this, and willingly exploits this increasingly profitable revenue stream.
At the same time, the system has worked relentlessly to destroy traditional community. Back in the days, everyone could have and raise children, with the help of the entire community. Those communities have been torn up and ripped apart by the system, which allows no other allegiances than those to itself. Everything must be paid for, everything must be accounted for. Everything has to be valued in monetary terms, including a parent's love for their child. How unspeakably fucked up.
You're very lucky to have a community surrounding you, but we don't (at least not yet), for various reasons. We know how crucial it is, but in our circumstances it's simply not an option right now. And we could never handle parenting on our own, nor would we want that for our children. The "nuclear family" is a catastrophic failure. Kids *need* to be part of a community to grow into health adults, and so far we simply can't provide this.
So with neither money nor community (and considering the general state of the world and our personal outlook), I am denied this dream.
And maybe (probably!) it's for the better, as sad as this sounds.
Please don't get me wrong: I don't say it's a bad idea to have children (and I don't blame people for having kids - we're animals, for chrissake, it's our biological duty!), but I believe it might help take pressure off society & the environment if there are more people who decide not to have kids, and thus fewer people in the future.
I hope we'll be able to build a community once collapse intensifies, supply chains rupture, and people have to rely on one another again. My deepest wish is to live in a multi-generational traditional community, so that I can help raise children who are not my own. You know, be the weird white uncle who knows stuff about the world. Maybe a storyteller and educator.
I'm a huge advocate of alloparenting and communal child-rearing (our "evolved nest," in the words of Darcia Narvaez), and I truly hope I'll be granted the opportunity one day.
The closest I could get to true fulfillment, I reckon.
Thanks for writing this. As a fellow subsistence farmer, I sadly don't have spare cash to send to you, but I can relate to your thoughts & ideas here. I don't write as regularly as you do, so I don't feel comfortable pushing my readers too hard to become paid subscribers - but I totally understand it if you do it. If I'd have a daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Good luck and best wishes to you, stranger-friend. May the World smile upon you and your family.
Thankyou so much for sharing this deeply heart felt story. I read it several times. I see you. I feel connected with you in a deep way. I hope we can come together and share more. Maybe you and your wife can visit our farm someday. Regarding your decision, i think you made the right choice and I also feel than many others should seriously consider not having children now as well. And also, regardless of whether or not we have actual blood children, WE ALL must become elders and dedicate our lives to the next generations. You are spot on when you reflect of decaying community. Nuclear families and the cult of the individual is very much at the root of the mess we are in. None of us are off the hook because we decide to live away from empire, or decide to niot have kids. We all live down stream, we all inter-are... We need all hands on deck. Please, come help us raise kids! Im serious. You are most welcome any time. ALL BLESSINGS.
I am one of the writers against Paywall-ing because it does follow the capitalist blueprint. I just turned on the paid option recently and I hope that those who can support my work will help subsidize those who cannot. After all, we are all trying to speak out against the very culture of internet dominance and I really hope that we can stay strong and reach enough supportive readers!
Yes! And kudos to you! I look forward to reading more of your work and gods willing, I receive enough paid subscribers to afford to pay you appropriately for your generosity!
Haha thank you! Good luck to you too!
I discovered you ten minutes ago. I can definitely see myself paying in the future 🙏🏼
You are too kind! Welcome to the circus! Good to have you here.....:)
Fuck. Yeah. There's a gentle fist of writers on Substack doing and writing and pushing this. You probably know them. I'll find them and add them in case. Inspiring, man. (Also listening to Martin Prechtel at the moment). And adding the photo of your daughter there - coming from another Dad that was a mean trick. (But a good one). Don't stop. It's - you know that word? - inspiring.
Gracias Peter. I am not so aware of the writers you mention here but looking forward to cross-pollinating with them and you and many more in the days and months and years ahead. I just read through a couple of your writings too and was deeply moved. Are you enrolled in Martin Prechtels current class by chance? All blessings to you and your family.....
No, not enrolled, that would be amazing. A friend of mine has, and has also been to visit. Listening to him speak living stories, though, must be close. I am, every time, stunned at the fluent lyricism if his writing. And also that it is grounded in such earned wisdom. Your words, along with a few others, us nudging me back - I do mean nudging - from difficult times. Creative interdependence is such a major life breather, as well as a foundation for revolution. Thankyou for replying, it means a lot. Words have spirit, too, and you are honouring them well.