Feeding Demons གཅོད
Cultivating the courage to not fight.
“That which is called a demon is not some great black thing that petrifies whoever sees it. A demon is anything that obstructs the achievement of freedom…. There is no greater devil than this fixation to a self. So until this ego-fixation is cut off, all the demons wait with open mouths. For this reason, you need to exert yourself at a skillful method to sever the devil of ego-fixation.”
-Machig Labdrön (1055 – 1145)
I had the great fortune recently of spending a few days with a Rinpoche from Tibet. Now, I must admit I cringe a little whenever I express out loud that I met with a master from “The Land of Snows”. The image of a privileged white man from Colorado seeking advice from a Buddhist guru from the Himalaya has become so overplayed that the genuine opportunity for receiving real wisdom from such encounters is, at least in my mind, seemingly at risk somehow of becoming lost due to overexposure. Modernities insatiable appetite for “new” and “rare” has made eastern mystics unfashionable. Tibetan masters are so, late 90’s. Its all about Ayahuasca shamans now, the Kogi, and psychedelic frogs. As such, I have, for the most part, kept the details of my meditative practice secret. Yet, something arose within me this past weekend in the midst of a Chöd ritual that I could not simply keep to myself. It became staggeringly clear that our hipster obsessions with being unique and/or our sad feeling of being ashamed of praying out loud due society’s overwhelming obsession with seemingly rational science in this time of radical atheism is preventing us from not only healing, but evolving. We are stuck in the mud of Maya.
To be sure, I am still not in a place where I am ready to offer specific details regarding what methods I have been offered for my own spiritual practice. Anyone genuinely seeking real instruction ought diligently seek out a qualified teacher, and in this particular instance well, that generally means finding a Tibetan master. So there ya go. Another white guy enamored by the masters of the east. Classic, I know. But don’t ever say I claimed to be an expert on anything. I am but a lost orphan searching for home and due to a deep love for mountains I randomly stumbled into forbidden lands a couple decades ago and got lucky. Well, I think I got lucky. Some don’t seem to like having the rug of reality yanked out from under their feet every time they finally catch their bearings for a few brief moments. But I do. To each their own. At any rate, I am no guru. But I am a believer. And I am in love with the world. And this curious little practice has helped me in big ways while traversing uncertain terrain…
It should certainly come as no surprise that I have become disenchanted by modernity. The insane efforts to “fix” the myriad problems oozing through empires’ silly institutions do little but spin round and round like a snake biting its tail. I believe it was Einstein or someone smart like that who once said “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”. Seems legit. As far back as I can recall we have been trying to end war with more war. Fix the damage chemicals have done to soil by using more chemicals. We try to end our loneliness by making applications to download on the very devise responsible for our inability to authentically connect deeply with others. We steal the homeland of the wild wolf and get mad at her when she harms our children. In this vicious cycle, we grow yet further still from sanity and all that seems to come of it is an over all increase in neurosis.
Far before modernity put binders on all of us, we could see. I’m not sensationalizing ancient times. This is basic. In fact, all one need do to test this out is take a serious break from iPhones, city life, processed food, traffic, all of it. Head for the nearest Wilderness alone for a couple of weeks in solitude and listen deeply. I promise you, you will soon gain access to Vision beyond the noise. Now, please note that I am not an advocate of using entheogenic plants outside of their appropriate Place and within the realm of their sacred relational contexts, but if you are genuinely able to do this (few among us are), than by all means, surrender and see. Modernity has been scripting for us an insane narrative for millennia and only That Which Has Always Been can lift the veil. Breathe…
So, this Rinpoche I met this weekend reintroduced me to Chöd. Chöd is an ancient Bon practice that aims to cut through egotism. There is a lot to say about this practice. And if you are inspired to learn more about it I recommend exploring the work of Lama Tsultrim and Tara Mandala in Pagosa Springs, Colorado. As stated already I am no expert and do not wish to be viewed as one. All I wish to point out is how we absolutely do have available to us in this very time many tools that can get us off the hamster wheel and on a path of not only recovery from cultural amnesia but that can get us heading towards a place of Real Awakening. These are remarkable times we live in, where one needn’t search for years through the impenetrable peaks and valleys of Shagri-La to find a perfect teacher. All is available to us if we are willing to slow down and listen. This past weekend thus, I did just that, with a gentle giant named Anam Thubten Rinpoche and I wish to share a wee bit here of what I came away with. May it be of some benefit, at this auspicious time of Losar, the time of the Wooden Dragon.
What if all those awful monsters of war were also in me? What if all the terrorists and evil politicians, all the heartless corporate tycoons and puppet masters responsible for industrial living, for crafting and selling all the tools responsible for causing harm to ourselves, others and the Earth Herself were all… me? What if I was that? What if my insecurities, my hate, my vulnerability, my sense of a separate self, my arrogance, self righteousness, laziness, amnesia, pride, etc. were all seen as demons preventing me from seeing clearly? What if instead of attacking the so-called “other”, I journeyed into the inner haunted grounds of my own subconscious and invited the ones who scare me most to a grand feast?
The illusion of separateness is killing us. We inter-are. The belief that I am somehow separate from Trump, Netanyahu, Biden, Musk or Monsanto is a dangerous narrative that seeds further war. Given the right circumstances we all would act in similar ways. What is needed skillful means, a collective, intentional cultivation of more suitable conditions, ones that give rise to wisdom. As is the case for all matters of concern, finding the root cause of conflict is preferable to merely finding a band aide. For if the causes of suffering are not healed, the conditions responsible for giving rise to madness not seen, honored and respectfully reimagined, than the disease will most assuredly return eventually.
As I recognize my disgust for technocrats, plutocrats and autocrats I look deeply and see that I am that. How many revolutionaries, after having won their holy wars, wound up turning into the same monster they once sought to defeat? Nearly all of them. Unless the inner demon is summoned up, seen clearly and fed well, the battle continues. So then, instead of joining the war, I journey within. I find the demon of self-hate and ask him what he needs. Visualizing him as a sentient, powerful being I muster up the courage to not flee nor fight this terrifying creature but hold my awareness of him fully, embracing the most fine of details, the memories of wrong doing and regret, the ancestral shame, rage and remorse. I hold space for it all, the energy transformed fully now into a wild eyed demon capable of destroying me. But I do not fight and I do not flee. Rather, I offer him my full attention. I listen.
I realize suddenly that I am not alone. All around me are my ancestors. There are beings of light and magical animals and medicinal plants who for so long have been overlooked and forgotten. They surround me now, held within the loving arms of Avalokiteśvara, a giant, calm being of infinite compassion. Together we all hold a deep resounding energy of empathetic awareness of the grief held for so long by this impressive demon before us. And so too are we made aware that we are the demon before us. Our subconscious fears made manifest. The seed of all ill will, illusion and ignorance.
I ask the demon what it wants. At first it says it wants me to suffer, just as he has suffered. I don’t react. I hold my awareness, emanating no judgments, nothing but pure awareness. I listen. Soon the demon can’t hold his hate any longer and begins to cry. As he weeps he says he needs me to accept him, to stop pretending I am not him. He asks me to love him.
Calling on aid from my ancestors, spirit guides, Avalokiteśvara and the Mother Earth Herself I breath deeply as if each breath is churning a great ocean. An ocean of loving Nectar. I invite the demon, who has now fully merged into my own “self”, to be fully absorbed by this ocean. We both cry. We all cry. Rivers of unmetabolized grief forge never-before-seen valleys throughout infinite realms of new possibility.
Suddenly, fear is gone. The demon is no longer a demon but an ally. Having dissolved ego and the false narratives of “otherness”. We ride together into a vast field, and rest.
This is not magical thinking. Another world is possible. But we must do real work within the seat of our own consciousness if this world is to be known. Better science, even more advance technology, cutting edge pre-schools, heightened security, an improved economy, charismatic politicians, none of this is going to ultimately get us there without a courageous exploration of the places within that scare us. The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible is already here. Always has been. All around us, everywhere. Hidden in plain sight. Hidden in us. Whether or not we decide to journey inwardly to discover this forever truth or pass it off as a cute primitive idea is up to us. The map is worthless unless we use it.
Buen viaje.
All blessings.
*For further information on the practice of Chöd: Tara Mandala
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For those who celebrate, Happy Losar
#maypeaceprevailonearth
Wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing the Chöd playlist! Lovely.