"Eat My Tongue."
...And Other Ideas That Don't Translate Well."
When I began writing this, I had just returned from a family retreat at the Thai Plum Village International Practice Center to an extremely hot and smokey Chiang Mai after celebrating Songkran, the Thai New Year, with a group of Vietnamese monastics who had celebrated their New Year, Tết Nguyên Đán in February. (I, being from the United States, where we follow a solar calendar, celebrated the New Year in January.) Also celebrating Songkran with us were friends from China whom, like the Vietnamese, also celebrate the Lunar New Year, along with peoples from Korea and Mongolia but do so with a slightly different calendar system and as such celebrate in January. Time, it turns out, is relative.
Our vantage points shift depending on the place from where we observe. Names, mythologies, observed importance’s, even moralities all vary depending on the myriad cultural forces both seen and unseen that shape our understanding of who we are, and where our place is within the context of space and time. The current year we find ourselves in is viewed by the Chinese (and others) as the “Year of the Rabbit”. Yet it is not viewed as such by the Vietnamese whom understand it not as a rabbit, but a cat. I say potato. You say potAHto.
Integration back into the lay life after a week of mindfulness practice in the tradition of zen master Thich Naht Hanh has been fun. I have the practice itself to thank for feeling this way. Through the deliberate daily practice of training my mind I am slowly beginning to not be so jolted when I am met with opposing views, unexpected changes, and feelings of despair. It was not always like this. And to be certain, I still have moments where I amaze myself at my inability to react to things I don’t understand with, well, mindfullness. But when I opened my emails for the first time after taking a ten day break from technology, I was met with great feelings of gratitude for the long lineage of Buddhist teachers who have been patiently training minds for generations to look deeper, for were it not for this practice I surely would have exploded in anger when I learned of the worlds ignorant reaction to H.H. the Dalai Lamas recent interaction with a young Indian boy with whom he was reported to have inappropriately requested “suck his tongue.”
If I told my grandpa that l just returned from a New Year’s celebration he would surely be confused. It is nearly May after all, for him already a quarter of the way through the year. If I did not offer the cultural, calendrical, context while sharing with him the tales of my adventure he might suspect I was instead celebrating Bicycle Day (a celebration held globally each April 19 to commemorate the first recorded LSD “trip” had by its inventor, chemist Albert Hoffmann on the same date in 1943 while riding home from his lab on his bicycle when exciting things began to occur:). Similarly, if the granddaughter of a Vietnamese elder who had never left the village of her birth suggested this was the year of the Rabbit, she would likely assume the child had not yet learned the proper name for a feline, having no context for an alternate calendar with a different mythological relative attached to this lunar cycle. We understand the world only through the lens of our understanding, generally dictated by culture.
It's often said that we live in the Age of Information. Indeed, we are literally saturated with information constantly. In just a few years’ time, social media has transformed the world from isolated, place-based regions into a mashed orb of screen-obsessed civilians convinced they understand the worlds many complexities because they saw something memed on Tik-Tok. This is wild. And dangerous. Now, being someone who appreciates all things wild, who sees the value in danger, I won’t make any bold statements thus, that would suggest we should all stop using social media. As Bayo Akomolafe often reminds us, it is often in the very cracks of things we think are harmful where we can find the “trickster” lurking whom, if we are wise and playful enough, might offer clues leading towards a path of redemption, where creative new gods who might be better suited for offering the stories now needed to guide us through these turbulent times might from within emerge. Yet, I think we can all agree something is amiss when an entire generation believes something merely because they simply saw it on a screen, with zero lived experience to back up whatever was observed. (Don’t worry, I won’t revive old vaccine conspiracies here, I’ll leave that conversation to Russel Brand.)
About 15 years ago, I lived for a year in the Middle Kingdom (China). I was teaching English at a university near Chongqing. During the Chinese New Year, I had a long break and was able to travel. For much of that time I ventured throughout Tibet where I was able to spend ample time with impressively beautiful humans who see the world from an enormously different point of view than virtually anyone I had ever met up until then. I recall an instance that occurred shortly after my arrival there when the woman who had arranged for me to work and live there was sharing with me some of the struggles she had recently been going through.
My friend had led an extraordinary life. She was an American, born and raised in the suburbs of Denver. Yet here she was living a world away, in China, pregnant with her first child. She had married a Tibetan nomad and was learning how to make since of her new surroundings. Her husband, being a nomad, had been gone for several months already when I arrived, out herding tzo (little yaks) around the grasslands, whereas she had been spending her time at home in the village getting acquainted with her new role as a member of the family. She was stricken with grief, overwhelmed by the discovery that her husband had been sleeping with other women while away. This infuriated her. She was so angry, so confused! Yet her sisters-in-law could not offer her solace because they didn’t understand her heartbreak. “You mean to tell us that where you come from, in America, that when someone is capable of offering love to many people you find this action to be unacceptable?”, they asked, utterly perplexed. They found my friends’ emotions odd and discourteous.
Tibetans from Kham, in eastern Tibet do not have rigid views of right and wrong in the same way most evangelical Christians in the western world do. Being tribal peoples birthed from an ancient shamanic, tantric Buddhist world whose values stem from an understanding in non-duality, impermanence, interconnectivity and change which, above all, emphasizes the need for one to develop a constant offering of compassion, without reserve, to all beings, could not, in this instance comprehend why my friend was so upset with their brothers’ actions. Their understanding of marriage, love, romance, and sex differed so greatly from my friend’s Christian upbringing that it nearly qualified for an exchange utterly removed from anything she had been conditioned into believing any of this to ultimately be.
A few weeks later, when my friends husband returned from the grasslands, he learned of the heartbreak his wife felt. He too became saddened upon learning of her sorrow. To remedy the situation, he navigated the predicament within the context of his own unique cultural framework. He interpreted his wife’s situation as a grief that had risen out of physical loneliness. As such, with the great pride that comes from a husband who is genuinely attempting to offer comfort to his beloved he vowed that the following year, when he again returned to the grasslands he would have his younger brother stay at home to satisfy her when she desired.
This, of course, made my friends skin crawl. There simply wasn’t an easy way to express her view within the context of a world where love took on such a vastly different meaning. Eventually however, because of their genuine love and commitment for each other, coupled with a determination to learn each other’s point of view, they did grow to understand each other and became more, well, monogamous. Joyfully so.
The global outcry that has recently surfaced regarding H.H. The Dalai Lama is the result of cultural ignorance. Western peoples, schooled as they are in the colonizers’ school of modernity which was forged by a certain “morality” as defined by the Christian church, cannot begin to accept much of the truths held by countless peoples of the world. The fact is, western education offers very little context for understanding views outside the realm of so-called, “civilization”. How many people do you know whose first language is English who can even speak another language, much less the hidden meanings that lay within secret linguistic corridors? This speaks volumes. To only know one language is to subscribe to a very limited understanding of the human capacity to create meaning.
Let’s take a moment to dissect the Tibetan term “Che le sa”. Literally, it translates into English as “Eat my tongue.” Right off the bat, due to all sorts of curious cultural narratives held within the context of western culture, the image of a tongue seems to conjure up images of sexuality, especially when used in the same sentence as “suck”. Yet there are many things one must consider before jumping to conclusions in this unique exchange between the young Indian boy and H.H.
For starters, when observing any exchange taking place within a cultural context that is foreign to us we must ask ourselves, “Is English the mother tongue of the person(s) speaking?” In this case the answer is a hard “no”. The Dalai Lama did not begin learning how to speak English until he was well into his 40’s. Although his grasp of the English language is certainly admirable, he regularly makes mistakes (He accidentally said “suck” when he meant to say “eat”). Secondly, and most importantly, we must consider, Might what we think we hear possess a meaning of which, when translated back into its original context, suggests something different than we assume through our, widely different, cultural lens? In this case, the answer is a resounding “yes”. Cultural context here is everything.
In many cultures, the lips and mouth are used, respectfully and playfully, in ways similar to how hands or fingers are used in the “west”. Oftentimes people of cultures differing from the dominant western one may gesture with their lips during speech or in response to questions, or even to indicate direction. I remember on my first trips to China/Tibet having men hold my hand and sometimes even kiss me. I recall how this felt so different than what I was used too. I am not homophobic, but in America random men don’t hold hands as they walk down the street together. So, for me, this was odd, and took some getting used to. In time however, it seemed as normal as a firm handshake which, in turn, I would later learn seemed utterly queer and even offense to many of my Asian friends. In Tibetan culture, it is not uncommon to see old grandparents give a quick kiss to small children followed by a small candy or piece of food offered to children directly from their mouths.
"Our cultural specific gesture of affection cannot be misinterpreted to your sexualized connotations", said Tenzin Tsundue.
Obviously, such an act isn’t the norm in many cultures, or even amongst many of the todays younger Tibetans, but among older Tibetans it is a gesture well known. After an elder gives a quick kiss and a candy, since there is nothing left in their mouth, nothing left to give, they will often say the phrase “Ok, now ‘eat my tongue!” (“Che le sa”). What this really means is something along the lines of, “I have given you all my love and all the candy so that’s it! All that’s left to do is eat my tongue!” It's a playful thing that children, even from regions where it is no longer a common phrase, such as Lhasa, are familiar with.
Opinions formed without this important context denote a significant degree of ignorance in the reasoning used to interpret HH’s recent actions. And in these times where we quickly jump to conclusions it begs the question, Do we truly want to know what is going on? What is our ultimate intention when we make claims regarding the actions of others? Consider if you will the words of Martín Prechtel:
"Ignorance isn't not knowing something, it's not wanting to know something."
My family and I just arrived to Los Angeles after flying for two days from Chiang Mai, Thailand. There is no shortage of gestures, tones, methods, procedural polices, etc. that have greet us sense doing so that have appeared violently offensive to my Thai wife. From the vantage point of many outsiders, it appears as though U.S. Customs/Immigration Control treat humans like cattle, herding them around rather aggressively, literally storing hundreds of frightened “illegals” in windowless rooms for hours on end, oftentimes separated from their loved ones at a moments notice without being allowed even to simply check in with their families to tell them where they are. No fresh, affordable food is available (I spent $20 for stale tuna salad haphazardly spread over processed white bread. Utterly unthinkable in most of the Asian countries I have visited, where to not greet people with healthy food is a sign of grave dishonor). No SIM cards are for sale until you exit the airport (yet you are expected to make all travel plans on your own). Few smiles are offered, no bows, lots of shouting. All this, which for many in America is viewed as a curious blend of professionalism, efficiency and strength, is generally viewed by people from other cultures as demonstrating a lack of an education of a different kind, one that emphasizes the importance of courtesy and grace. It certainly is a unique way to welcome strangers into one’s land.
In most Asian countries, not all, kindness, cleanliness, clear communication, and courtesy are of utmost importance, even to criminals. Airport personnel the world over are carry a tremendous amount of pressure. And Asian nations are just as in need of managing who enters their country as anywhere else. Yet due to certain cultural agreements, in most cases, as I have experienced directly many times, noticeable efforts are made to ensure everyone is spoken to with dignity, families are respected and made to feel safe, comfortable even. I have often overstayed my visa in Thailand, a criminal act. But I was never interrogated, made to feel shameful or afraid. When I was asked to enter their version of border control, every time I was met with a smile, a calm voice and on one occasion, a cup of tea. I never felt disrespected, or scared. One culture, chooses to view everyone as a potential terrorist and approach this situation with the implementation of fear. Another, views even known criminals as fellow humans worthy of respect, and navigates as such. One looking deeply. One immediately assuming the worst. Where do such views stem from? How do we react to things we do not know? What is the result?
It behooves us to look more deeply. It’s so convenient to just thumb through social media at the end of a stressful day and convince ourselves that somehow we are better than others, more woke. Wouldn’t it be nice if wisdom was so easily able to acquire! Yet, it isn’t. Humans are gloriously complex and if we are ever going to truly learn how to understand one another, we need to slow down, think before we speak, learn different languages and breathe. In… And out. In….Out…
My mantra for these bizarre post-truth times where anyone with a phone can create a platform for preaching the glories of half-assing it is thus; “Chances are, I am wrong.”
Good to see you again, America. I look forward to spending the next six months with you.
Song of the Week: America Is by Violent Femmes